Tag Archives: humor

Weird Secrets about S.G. Rogers

I don’t usua475687_348027758569956_2090555840_olly talk about myself, but I decided to divulge ten weird facts secrets about me that nobody knows.  Shh! Don’t tell anyone:

1)  In karate class, when something really HURTS, I laugh;

2) Although I’m pathologically shy, I pursued acting;

3) I dislike blue cheese passionately because I got food poisoning from it when I was a teen;

4) When I was thirteen, my family and I attended a quinceañera in Tijuana for the daughter of one of my father’s employees. It was the first (and almost the last) time I ever drank tequila;

5) I was thisclose to winning a guest starring role on Baywatch;

6) When I was a kid in the 60s, there were only a few channels on TV, and a lack of programming. I remember watching Alfred Hitchcock’s Lifeboat over and over again because there was nothing else on. As a result, I almost refused to go see Titanic (1997) when it came out;

7) I sing a great rendition of Honeysuckle Rose;

8) In the 80s, I grew my fingernails fashionably long (see photo, above);

9) I was a tour guide at Universal Studios in Los Angeles. One day, my tram got stuck in the river after Moses had parted the waves and we had to wait for a tow; and


10) I got hypothermia once on a springtime canoe trip on the Tuolumne River, when the rapids tossed me into the icy water. Even though I was wearing a wet suit at the time, I turned blue. My group had to strip me in a cave (my fingers and arms wouldn’t work) and use their bodies to warm me up again. Unfortunately, I was too cold to get a thrill.

Bonus Secret: I have been known to hallucinate spiders in the middle of the night.

Tell me your secrets in the comments, below.  I promise not to tell anyone. ~ S.G. Rogers



Author Snack Snafus

Italian candy shopAlthough I try not to keep junk food in the house, sometimes I get a little desperate for a sugary snack while writing. Okay, perhaps very desperate would be more accurate. I roam the kitchen looking for some kind of fix. In my younger days,  several spoonfuls of canned frosting was my go-to snack. I found a bag of cinnamon candy in the spice cupboard once…the kind you bake into cupcakes and cookies. So what if it was three years past its expiration date? It still tasted okay, and I was very desperate. It’s sort of like the five-second rule that applies whenever you drop anything tasty on the floor. When you’re that desperate, you check for mold and bugs, say a little prayer, and then have at it.

My latest snack snafu involves honey-sweetened oat cereal. I saw the box and I imagined myself contentedly munching on handfuls of dry cereal. What a great idea! What could go wrong? So I filled an empty yogurt container (2 pound size) with a quantity of the stuff and sat down at my computer. I quickly discovered honey-sweetened oat cereal is indeed a delightful snack. Quick and easy. Provides great chewing action, like popcorn but without the annoying husks. You can go through a lot of it, but with such a large container you have a snack-on-tap.

© Kutt Niinepuu | Dreamstime Stock Photos

Back to the snafu part.  What I failed to take into consideration is the amount of fiber this oat cereal possesses. It’s like each little circle is a tiny colon scrub pad, just waiting to go to work. Probably a half-cup of the stuff is enough to keep things moving along properly.  More than that is a foolish indulgence that will come back to haunt you. I am reminded of a Phil Hartman Saturday Night Live commercial from the 80s. It was a riff on all the marketing hype surrounding fiber:


‘Nuff said.  Word to the wise.

Have you ever had any snacks that have come back to bite you?  Leave a comment and we’ll chew on it a while.  ~ S.G. Rogers




Happy Halloween and Horror Flash Fiction

Christy's_HalloweenHappy Halloween to one and all! I have a short work of flash fiction to share with you, which was originally published in an online magazine (now defunct) called FlashshotFlash fiction is an art form in which the greatest possible impact is gleaned from the fewest possible words (generally 1,000 words or less). Flashshot specialized in stories of 100 words or less. Since it’s All Hallow’s Eve, I’m going to share my horror story, Black Holes (98 words). Enjoy!

~ S.G. Rogers

Black Holes

The competition at this year’s statewide science fair was fierce, but I was determined to win. My entry was an awesome model of an earthquake-proof building on rollers. It had won first place at my school. Ultimately, I got edged out at finals by a freak of nature who mounted a presentation about the role of wormhole physics in developing a quantum theory of gravity. About ten seconds after he received the blue ribbon, the kid literally imploded and shriveled up into a fist-sized geodesic ball. It was then that I realized some people just can’t handle success.


Uncle John’s Flush Fiction G*I*V*E*A*W*A*Y

UPDATE:  Using Random.org I’ve picked a winner!  Congratulations, Angie!

I’ll admit it, I’m flushed with success.  One of my flash fiction gems has found its way into the one and only Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader series.  Uncle John’s newest throne room publication is entitled Flush Fiction, and it’s jam-packed with all sorts of short stories designed to be read sitting down.  88 different stories, in such genres as mystery, nostalgia, monsters, science fiction and (in my case) humor.  What’s The Not-So-Ancient Chinese Proverb about, you might ask?  It’s about 1,000 words. *winks*

Wanna win your very own paperback copy? Just leave a comment, below!  I’ll pick a winner Sunday, midnight (EST), May 13th.  Good luck, and may the flush be with you.

~ S.G. Rogers

P.S.  Can’t wait to buy your own copy?  Amazon has it.  BN.com does too.  To learn more about Uncle John’s Bathoom Reader series, visit their website, follow them on Twitter, and find them on Facebook.

P.P.S.  Sorry…this giveaway is limited to the USA only. 😦

Fair Lady of the Waterfall

“How can we break the Guardian’s spell?” Jon asked Dorsit.

“I’m not certain,” Dorsit replied. “But—”

“Terrific,” Fred interrupted. “So we’re stuck.” He waved to get Lialia’s attention. “Look, honey, what’ll it take to get the door open? Money? Jewelry? I’m sure JonBoy here will be happy to conjure you up a Porsche if you want.”

Lialia examined her manicure, bored.

“A poem may be the key,” Dorsit said. “It’s called Fair Lady of the Waterfall, and I think it must refer to Lialia.”

“Oh, no,” Fred moaned. “If you start with the poetry I’m gonna throw myself down that hole, guaranteed.”

“Hush,” Brett said as she smacked Fred on the arm. “How does it go, Dorsit?”

Dorsit recited the poem:

“Fair Lady of the Waterfall,

 Was stole away by Blackest Knight,

 Her heart this Knave he did Enthrall,

 Forever Cloistered far from Light.”

“The Rosebud may return to Flower,

 Young Champion of Fire and Claw,

 With Truest Love and Hell-born Power,

 From Driest Rock her Essence Draw.”

As Dorsit finished speaking, Lialia burst into tears.

“Okay,” Fred groaned. “I’m jumping into the pit now.”

(Excerpt, The Last Great Wizard of Yden)

~ S.G. Rogers

For his sixteenth birthday, all Jon wanted were the keys to the family car. Instead, he got a lousy magic ring…

Now available in paperback and e-book at Amazon, BN.com, Astraea Press